guess who's backkkk?

Hey everyone (:

I know I haven't posted anything in a while, forgive me for it. I've just been super busy & now with summer coming...posts will probably be really slow because I'll have to be balancing my time between work, friends, camps, and more work. Joy! But whatever, I'm fine with it. And even now, everything has been hectic between all the finals & testing. Life has been super crazy, I hardly have time to breathe! Okay...that's a lie, I still have free time I've just been using it for other things. Honestly, I think part of me has been avoiding writing anything else here.

You wanna know why? Cause I'm confused. I don't know what to write about because I can't put my feelings into words. I've been dealing with some serious heart-ache lately. Boys drive me crazy; I'm just done. Truth is: I've never found love and love has never found me. Yeah, that's right. It takes two people to love, that's my motto. So if it's only one person in love, you're not in love. Because if there's supposed to be a certain "One" then that one has to love you back. Right? God! Stupid fairy tales have me all mixed up these days. Sometimes I wish I didn't have to face freaking reality. Reality blows. That make sense? Arg, I just don't know. But I think I also haven't been writing in here because I tend to vent my feelings towards negative things in my life...and besides the whole love sick thing...my life has been...hm, let me think...AMAZING? FANTASTIC? EVERY ANTONYM FOR TERRIBLE? Yeah, I love life, minus my love life.

I've been having a really good time with all of my friends, which is amazing. My relationship with my family has been growing (excluding my mother & sibling, we'll never get along.) and I GOT A JOB! A real job, for the whole summer. I know that doesn't sound good, but it totally is! I'm getting paid well so hopefully before freshman year starts, I'll be able to re-do my room & get my new wardrobe. And holy moly...FRESHMAN YEAR?! HIGH SCHOOL?! WHAT?! That is BIG news! Man. But I guess I should get through summer first...& this summer, by the way, is going to be the most ROCKINGEST SUMMER EVER. Bring on the beach & the tan-lines, I'm so ready.

Yeah, I know this post was pretty meaningless...but it's better than nothing I guess (: I'm taking blog requests, so if you want me to write about anything...I can try & do it up (:

boys, boys, boys.

NAVID SHIRAZI, WHY CAN'T YOU BE REAL?!

Blah, so I was watching these videos & I came across this lovely one of a Nadrianna scene from 90210. Possibly my favorite scene yet. XD And it really got me thinking...why can't more guys be like the one in this video? It seems guys these days have NO IDEA what they're doing at all, I mean -- maybe it has to do with my age and because the boys haven't matured...? but I don't know.

Call me unrealistic, but if more guys were like Navid up there, this world would be a better place. Seems like all guys want these days is a piece of ass, and yes, making out is nice -- we all know that, but that's not the principle of the thing. Girls want a little something more, someone who actually cares for them & isn't afraid to admit it. Someone who will hold them, and just do that -- no trying to get any further. Girls want someone who just want to be with them, or at least that's what I want.

But not all guys are like this, nope. There are PLENTY of nice guys XD But...a girl can't always have it all, right? Because, these nice guys, are all really sweet y'know? But they seem to have no idea how to be a boyfriend, or be together, or anything. The nice guys that claim to like you are always treating you like only a friend, and not moving forward at all. Grr >.<

But THEN there's the nice guys who are SO CLUELESS. Like they'll tell you the sweetest things, and they're cool -- but they're so unaware of how you're feeling sometimes. Like, they act like everything is absolutely perfect when really, it's not. You may have things going through your mind that you just want to talk about, and hope he'll understand -- but he doesn't.

Rawr, like I don't even know how to put this into words. It's not making sense & it's annoying, but whatever XD It was worth a shot. God, boys can be so frustrating >.< I can't wait until high school when hopefully they'll man up a little and become more like good ol' Navid. <3

to a friend.

Okay, so this isn't really something I'm personally dealing with, but what do we all think of love triangles? Boy, oh boy ! Do those things get complicated or what? Well, I've got a close friend...let's call her...Vicky. Vicky's one of my best girl friends so I'm willing to help her out a little with her sligth relationship disfunction (:

Well, so here's the deal. Vicky is finally happy with her boyfriend, he's cute, funny & all that good stuff...so what's not to love, right? But of course -- nothing is EVER perfect, Vicky's got a problem. She & another guy -- Antony used to have this little crush thing going on a while back, and it was nothing hot & heavy -- not for Antony, anyway. Vicky really liked Antony, and because of some school stuff, Vicky & Antony are going to HAVE to spend more time together.

Does anyone see where I'm getting at with this? If not, I'll clarify. Although Vicky is EXTREMELY happy with her boyfriend, Antony is hoping back into the picture & causing Vicky to get some old feelings started up again...and she doesn't know what to do. I didn't exactly know how to help her either, because if it were me...I'd just dump my boyfriend & listen to what my heart was telling me. But Vicky doesn't want to screw things up because she's genuinely happy now, but Antony just keeps coming back & screwing things up. So I'm leaving it up to you, readers. What should good ol' Vicky do?

I'm just so happy.

Okay, I am just SO HAPPY. I feel like my past posts have been border-line depressing, but not this one. I am honestly SO HAPPY right now. Like, words can't even describe it. For the past couple of months, I've been feeling so lost & hopeless, anyone know what I mean? Like I didn't belong anywhere...but now, it feels like -- like I've finally found my place. Before I was spending weekends by myself, and CHOOSING not to go hang-out just because I felt like I'd have more fun reading other peoples facebook statuses...how sad is that? It's been rough, and I'm not trying to criticize anyone, but I'm just saying -- things weren't feeling right for me. I was sick of being the out-cast, y'know?

And now -- suddenly, it feels like I'm finally opening my eyes to a whole world outside of this little bubble that was beginning to feel a little too claustrophobic. Like, I'm finally taking a breath of fresh air after being locked up in a little black room. I don't know, I just feel so wonderful now. Like, I know what I want to do. And I have a ton of SUPPORT which I was seriously lacking before. There are people who like the same things I do. I just can't even explain this, it reminds me of a time way back in 6th grade, when I found something so real for the first time. Now, I'm getting to re-live that experience, but it's like -- better?

This probably isn't making sense to any of you, and it's not really supposed to XD I'm just posting this right now to let everyone know that if I've been looking "depressed" lately -- cause that's what people have been telling me -- well let's just say that chick is dead & gone and I am now full of life & ready to live it up & be happy. I'm sick of moping around over something that was completely in my control. Now that I've taken action, I feel like myself again. The real me.

Yours truly,
Raissa

P.S -- I think there was a misunderstanding up there, when I said I was feeling lost & all that stuff, I was blaming people. But then some folks confronted me about it and I guess they were right IT'S MY FAULT I WAS FEELING THAT WAY. Okay, sure. My fault. I don't mind getting that blame -- it's my fault I felt like I wasn't getting the support I wanted & it was my fault I was feeling out of place & it was my fault I was feeling horribly suffocated. Yup, that's right. So let me just clarify that the "people" so to speak that I THOUGHT were making me feel like that are actually perfect. It's not them it's me. (: