what is love, anyways?

So, today was the official first day of break. I won't deny that while I was hanging out with my friends & dealing with the whole PDA problem again, I was super bored. In the midst of my boredom, I decided that I'd look around & observe people (don't mind how sketchy that sounds). It seemed like honestly, everyone was in love. The way people were looking at each other & holding each other. I mean all I could think was "gag me" but oh well. So, of course, it got me thinking. What's love anyways? Is it really a beautiful thing? Is the quote "love can't hurt you" really true? Or is it nerve wracking? Absolutely scary? Or...maybe it actually does hurt. Maybe it's the most painful thing for some people. I don't know, or maybe I do...it's just all really perplexing.

Maybe love is when...you're holding hands and all you want to do is laugh, just because you feel like yourself around that person. You just don't care what others think of him/her anymore & what you guys do together. When it's both of you, no one else seems to matter & it's like every moment you two have together is unforgettable until the next moment together. Like a big chain of moments connected to a million others. Maybe that's what love really is.

Or maybe, you get an insane ammount of uncomfortable butterflies in your stomach. You feel scared, it's almost unbelievable. You possibly get all super self-concious & weird, because you don't know how to act in front of that person. Like, when he/she holds you or kisses you, you keep your cool, but really all you want to do is run to a bathroom & barf because you were honestly just so nervous. Nervous to be impressive, to be chill, just to be the perfect person for the one you want. You're scared of messing up. Maybe that's what love really is.

But maybe...love actually hurts. No, kills. Maybe love is when you see the person you love in the hall ways, and you see their eyes light up & you cross your fingers hoping is you and as you get nearer & nearer you realize the person was looking at someone else. Maybe it's when you're outside the school at the end of the day & you see the person you're in love with looking at someone else every moment, just like you're looking at them. And God, when they kiss...you just want to hug your own stomach to hold yourself from falling apart. Maybe that's love, or maybe that's just heart break. Which must be some sort of love.

I just have absolutely no clue anymore. Maybe love's not for everyone, because I'm starting to think it's not for me.

hugs&kisses,

Rai